Discussion Forum

Considering the current discussion on this topic over at the mamaVISION blog has been almost completely usurped by Trolls; who seem intent on doing little more than hurling vicious personal attacks whilst hiding behing the cloak of free speech; I have decided to start a forum to discuss the issue of the Faces of Pro Ana site, and any other issues pertaining to that site or it's subject matter, on this blog instead.

Feel free to debate, discuss, agree or disagree on this topic and anything relative to this topic (eg what is "Pro Ana", should certain websites or message boards be considered "Pro Ana", should the individual members in turn automatically be considered "Pro Ana" themselves and so on), but please be aware that comments on here are moderated and any personal attacks, insults, hate speech or the wrongful publishing of any written or photographic material without the express permission of it's original author will not be tolerated.

With that being said.....Go for it! :)

More from Sakura

*originally posted on the mamaVISION blog, reprinted here with kind permission from the original author*

I am one of the ‘faces of pro-ana’ and I just wanted to let you know that not all the girls on that blog are pro-ana. I know you will probably say I should not have been using a site that does have a thinspiration section (which I might add, I have never looked at) but not all the girls who use these sites are pro-ana or even anorexic. On the site I use the terms ‘ana’ and mia’ are banned because they feel it glamourises what is actually an insidious and often fatal disease. Many of the girls have binge-eating disorder, buimia or EDNOS and many, myself included, are in recovery.

I used that site as it was one of the places I was able to find unconditional support during my recovery from anorexia. I am happy to say that I have now more or less recovered and am maintaining a healthy weight. Overcoming anorexia is one of the hardest things I have ever done. This is one of the reasons I am so upset that my picture features on that blog. The picture I posted on the site was not intended to encourage people to lose weight, but to demonstrate how far I had come in recovery. The text that accompanied the picture demonstrated that, but evidently this was not read. I just wanted to explain that girls who are not and have never been pro-ana feature on the blog and this is unfair.

Demonising the women posted on the blog is ignorant and cruel, as many are suffering from severe mental health problems and it is not right to make fun of people who are ill. Many comments made have been outright insulting and personal, and this is not right.

I agree with you entirely that pro-ana should not be encouraged as I can tell you first hand that there is nothing glamourous or attractive about anorexia. Looking like a skeleton, having no energy to get out of bed, having your hair fall out in clumps and developing joint and heart problems are all part of the ‘fun’ I have endured. The joint and heart problems are permenant and despite having recovered it is still unlikely I will ever have children and may well die young.

I am very upset that I have managed to make a reasonable recovery only to be tarred with the pro-ana brush. I just wanted to post this so you know that not all girls featured on that blog are pro-ana and are undeserving of your hatred and insults.

Sorry this was so long!!! I just wanted to be heard, as the actual faces of pro ana blog has refused to post any of my comments, despite the fact that I believe what I am saying to be reasonable and not insulting to them in any way. I just want to get my point across.

About the owner of this blog

I understand some of you may be a little wary of contacting me with your stories, perfectly understandable considering what has happened with the Faces of Pro Ana site. So I thought in order to put you a little bit more at ease I would let you know a little bit about myself, how I came across the original Faces of Pro Ana site and why I started this blog.

My name is Louise Shaw (that is a Pseudonym, I have told my real first name to some of you but would appreciate you not mentioning it on here please). I have another blog which details my battle with chronic Anorexia Nervosa.

That blog can be found at www.livingwithchronicanorexia.blogspot.com

I found out about the Faces of Pro Ana site when a link to it was posted on an Eating Disorders support board that I visit occasionally. Many of the members of that board were appalled at what was happening with that site, myself included. Looking at the Faces of Pro Ana site I recognised someone I know from the online Eating Disorders support community, someone who I know for a fact is not Pro Ana and who would be absolutely devastated to be associated with such a thing. I very respectfully contacted the owners of the Faces of Pro Ana site to ask that they remove this girls picture. That request was met with complete silence, as many of the other girls requests have been as well.

I decided that if the owners of the Faces of Pro Ana blog weren't prepared to do the right thing and remove the pictures of those girls they had falsely accused then the least I could do was to provide these girls with an opportunity to tell their side of the story. Hence this blog was created.

I have not published the story or the picture of the girl I know who has been wrongly featured on the Faces of Pro Ana site, nor will I unless I have her express permission. She is currently unaware of her being featured on the Faces of Pro Ana site and I must admit I am reluctant to tell her. I know how upset it will make her and considering she is battling an Eating Disorder along with other emotional health issues, as well as having a partner who is currently serving in Iraq, she has enough on her plate already. I will also not publish anyone's story or picture on here without their express permission and for those of you who have asked for your story to be published if there is any time that you no longer wish to be part of this blog please let me know and I will remove the entry immediately. If you see your picture and story published on here and it wasn't you who actually contacted me and you also do not wish to be included please contact me as well and I will remove it immediately.

Kindest Regards

Louise Shaw

Sakura's Story

My issues with my body started when I was still in primary school. I started puberty and developed physically very early which made me extremely self-conscious about the way I looked. From the ages of 13 to 15 I went through stages of restricting and bingeing, and struggled with extremely low self esteem and poor body-image. I was very introverted and shy due to the way I felt about myself. As my weight remained stable no-one was aware of what was happening. When I was 15 I entered a relationship with an older man who was mentally and occasionally physically abusive and things escalated from there. I began heavily restricting as well as self-harming and my weight dropped to 6 stone 7 pounds (91 pounds). I suffered from amenorrhea and low body temperature. The relationship ended when I was 17 but by this time my self esteem and self-image had hit an all time low. By the time I was 18 I had reached 5 stone (70 pounds) I didn't have the energy to stand up in the shower, had to crawl up the stairs and regularly passed out while I was at collage. I ended up having to drop out of my A level course as I didn't have the energy to go in and I had to move back in with my mom as I could barely look after myself. At this time I finally admitted I had a problem and went to see a doctor, something my worried family had been trying to get me to do for some time. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, obsessive compulsive disorder and depression and given anti-depressants and counseling. I was told that if I didn't start to gain weight I would be admitted to hospital as I was at high risk of cardiac arrest and was likely to die if I lost any more weight.

From here I very slowly started to recover, although I didn't fully recover physically until I was 22, when my weight stabilised at 8 stone 7 pounds (120 pounds). I now have problems with my joints and low body temperature and may have done other lasting damage that I do not yet know about. Although I have recovered physically I still struggle daily with the 'voice' of anorexia believing that I am horribly overweight, I still have painfully low self esteem and bouts of depression.

I have never been 'pro-anorexic'. Anorexia is an extremely serious mental health problem that can often culminate in death or lasting physical health problems. Living with anorexia is pure hell and something I would not wish on my worst enemy. I can safely say that the years I battled with anorexia were the worst of my life and I would never want to return to them. Having an eating disorder is not a choice or an issue of vanity and it's about time people realised this.

Although I have more or less recovered, every day is a battle and I hope to one day be free of the mind set completely, I would love to never have to think about my weight again. I am currently at university studying psychology with an aim to helping other people suffering with eating disorders find a way out of the hell they are living. This is one of the reasons I am so angry about having false information posted on the 'faces of pro-ana' blog. Not only am I in recovery but am hoping to help other eating disordered individuals recover. Finding out my photo had been posted on the blog shocked and deeply upset me. I don't believe that anyone who made such a blog could have the best interests of people suffering with eating disorders at heart as something like this could lead to further alienation and depression.

More from Amy

Hi! Thanks for posting my story.

I realized that I forgot to mention where this picture of me was taken from. I am a member of a private online eating disorder support community, the name of which I will omit for the sake of the privacy of everyone who uses the board. This board is NOT a pro-anorexia website. The words "ana" and "mia" are not allowed, as we feel that they glamorize eating disorders and portray them as "friends" rather than serious mental illnesses. "Tips and tricks" are not allowed, and harm reduction is stressed. There is a recovery section of the board, as well as places to discuss our other aspects of our lives, from co-morbid psychiatric illnesses such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, and addiction to movies, music, sports, fashion, and school.

Our site does include some potentially unhealthy sections, such as "thinspiration" (pictures of very thin women used to "feed" our disorders), and "progress updates," which are sometimes used positively (i.e. a bulimic may track her progress in attempting not not binge and purge), but often function as food logs in which to track calories consumed. Another section of our board that is potentially unhealthy is a board dedicated to fasting which, although it can be beneficial for those without serious illnesses, is seriously dangerous for those with eating disorders.

Our site is not strictly a recovery site. It isn't, and will likely never be, like something-fishy (which, by the way, I would highly recommend to those working on recovery). But it also isn't a pro-anorexia website. It is a support board for those with active eating disorders, a place where we can feel heard and understood. Although I'm sure that there are members who are triggered by the contents of our site, I personally have found it to be more helpful than harmful. I have made true friends, with whom I have meaningful, honest conversations with - not just about our diseases, but also about our relationships, interests, and philosophies.

The picture that you see both here and on the original Faces of Pro Ana site was taken about a month and a half ago. It was posted on our photo board, in a section called "Take a Picture of Yourself Right Now and Post It." I posted this picture for the sole purpose of putting a face to a name. I did not post it as thinspiration (at the time this picture was taken, my BMI was about 20.6, a perfectly healthy and normal weight), or for any other harmful purpose.

Although the Face of Pro Ana site has caused a good deal of stress, grief, and hurt, it did serve as a reminder to be careful about what one posts on the internet. Although our forum is private, I have stopped posting information that I wouldn't want the public to see on the main site. Instead, I contact my friends from the site through private messages on the forum, or by email. Additionally, I have stopped posting pictures of myself. Finally, I realized how hurtful it is to have your picture used without your permission, so I have decided to refrain from using the "thinspiration" section of the board. I regret to admit that I frequented this part of the site in the past, especially when my eating disorder was at its worst. I have had the threads that I posted in this section of our board deleted, and have committed to never posting these sorts of images again. I care about the members of this forum, and do not want to do anything to make them sicker. I truly wish that all of us could recover fully and live happy, healthy lives.

Jill's Story

My name is Jill. I am 22 years old.

I love to read, write, and spend time with my friends. I have a chameleon and three dogs. I'm a University student, majoring in psychology. I look like I have it all together, but I don't. Because for the past 14 years, my health has been failing.

I have an eating disorder.

I purged for the first time at age 7, long before I could be deeply indoctrinated with the "Thin is In" mentality of the modern media. I had arbitrarily decided that there was something wrong with me, that I was in some sort of danger of losing control, and in a haze found myself leaning over the creek in the forest across the road after dinner one night. Even before this, my memories of childhood are dominated by food; pancakes on Saturday mornings, caramel corn during a thunderstorm, flashlight casting shadows on the ceiling. Sandwiches eaten in a precise number of bites. I do not remember a time in my life, even prior to my obvious turn to eating disordered behaviour, that I was not obsessed with food.

The purging continued as I grew older. I, constantly plagued with dizzy spells and sore throats, began also to binge-eat in addition to purging. I would often spend my entire allowance, birthday money, Christmas money, or cash that I begged from my mother, on food. I would stash food under the couch in my upstairs playroom, and then binge alone in the dark. As I entered my teenage years, I began to gain weight. My neurotic attitudes about food shifted; I became terrified of becoming fat, believing that my weight gain was a red flag to the world that I was weak and undisciplined.

I began cycling through periods of self-starvation and periods of frenzied binge-eating and purging. I abused diet pills and caffeine, even ate raw chicken at one point in an attempt to give myself food poisoning, so desperate was I to drop weight. By age 16 I was losing weight steadily; by age 17 I was surviving on roughly 600 calories a day and weighed 89 lbs- 40 lbs underweight on my 5'4 frame.

I was referred to treatment at this point, but left after two months. I wanted desperately to recover, but was terrified of changing the only thing that had been constant in my life for so long. For the next four years, I battled constantly with my eating disorder, my weight climbing as I binged, and dropping as I starved. I became addicted to ephedrine, spent several hundred dollars on food which I would eat in the silence of my parents' house as they slept, leaving the kitchen only to purge away my paychecks.

A few months ago, I found Cerulean Butterfly, an eating disorders support forum. I was instantly welcomed by the existing members, who were never anything but kind, supportive, and concerned for my well being. I had a place- which was protected, mind you, members only- in which I could talk freely about my eating disorder without being judged. I had briefly been a member of a few recovery forums, but found that since I was not currently active in recovery, I was not entirely comfortable with the atmosphere and had to be very careful with the things I could say, lest I trigger someone in the early stages of their own recovery.

During my time at Cerulean Butterfly, I have tried mostly to offer support and helpful advice to my fellow members, including warnings about the dangers of diet pills, alternatives to high-calorie binges, and support for those who are beginning therapy. Never once have I encouraged any member to pursue dangerous behaviour, to lose weight, to purge, or to hide their disorder from a doctor or family member. I am not pro-ana; An eating disorder is an illness, not a choice. I may not be in recovery at the moment, but I have NEVER taken part in any behaviour that would cause harm to anyone else. I am every bit as opposed to the pro-ana movement as the authors of the Faces of Pro-Ana page, with one exception: I know the difference between pro-ana and eating disordered.

In my own blog, along with the details of my daily struggles, I constantly reiterate the fact that at age 22 I have arthritis, heart problems, decreased bone density, hair loss, anemia, and a host of other problems as a direct result of my eating disorder. I may not have children. I may DIE by age 45. I am very honest about the future that is staring me in the face. For my picture to be plastered across a webpage that proclaims that I am one of the hundreds of so-called "Faces of Pro Ana" is deeply insulting. The only thing I have ever used my experience for is to warn others. There is no glamour here. And judge not, lest ye be judged.

Amy's Story

My name is Amy, and I have been struggling with an eating disorder for eight years. I have been preoccupied with weight for as long as I remember, and have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was a very young child. I first purged when I was twelve years old. I was first diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa when I was thirteen years old. In outpatient treatment, I managed to gain to a healthy weight, but I remained extremely preoccupied with weight and food. Between the ages of fourteen and seventeen, I alternated between restricting and binging, and sometimes purged. My official diagnosis during this time period was ED-NOS, Eating Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified. When I was seventeen, just before my senior year of high school, I lost my period, and enough weight to be formally diagnosed with anorexia again. I spent the beginning of my senior year at a residential treatment center in Wisconsin. Although their program helped me to become physically stable, and I was free of eating disorder behaviors for several months afterwards, I eventually began restricting again and relapsed, and was, again, diagnosed with anorexia. I had severe orthostatic hypotension, bradycardia, low body temperature, and dental problems. Again, I gained weight and became physically stable with the help of outpatient treatment. However, my eating disorder "voice" never went away. In the past year, I have gone through cycles of frequent binging and purging, cycles of somewhat normal eating, and cycles of restricting. My weight is currently on the low end of normal, though I am rapidly losing, as I am currently restricting. My current diagnosis is ED-NOS. I am in outpatient treatment, and meet with a therapist and nutritionist weekly. However, I often worry that I am simply hardwired to have an eating disorder, and that I will never fully recover. I am twenty years old now, and my eating disorder has consumed most of my mental energy for most of my life. I wish more than anything to recover. I am a writer, a musician, and a good student, and I pray that someday these parts of my life will be more important to me than how much I weigh and how many calories I have consumed on a given day.

I am not, and have never been, pro-anorexia. I believe that being "pro-ana" is similar to being "pro-AIDS." Anorexia and other eating disorders are fatal, life-ruining mental illnesses, not quick ways to lose weight. An eating disorder is not a lifestyle choice. It is not a choice at all.