My issues with my body started when I was still in primary school. I started puberty and developed physically very early which made me extremely self-conscious about the way I looked. From the ages of 13 to 15 I went through stages of restricting and bingeing, and struggled with extremely low self esteem and poor body-image. I was very introverted and shy due to the way I felt about myself. As my weight remained stable no-one was aware of what was happening. When I was 15 I entered a relationship with an older man who was mentally and occasionally physically abusive and things escalated from there. I began heavily restricting as well as self-harming and my weight dropped to 6 stone 7 pounds (91 pounds). I suffered from amenorrhea and low body temperature. The relationship ended when I was 17 but by this time my self esteem and self-image had hit an all time low. By the time I was 18 I had reached 5 stone (70 pounds) I didn't have the energy to stand up in the shower, had to crawl up the stairs and regularly passed out while I was at collage. I ended up having to drop out of my A level course as I didn't have the energy to go in and I had to move back in with my mom as I could barely look after myself. At this time I finally admitted I had a problem and went to see a doctor, something my worried family had been trying to get me to do for some time. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, obsessive compulsive disorder and depression and given anti-depressants and counseling. I was told that if I didn't start to gain weight I would be admitted to hospital as I was at high risk of cardiac arrest and was likely to die if I lost any more weight.
From here I very slowly started to recover, although I didn't fully recover physically until I was 22, when my weight stabilised at 8 stone 7 pounds (120 pounds). I now have problems with my joints and low body temperature and may have done other lasting damage that I do not yet know about. Although I have recovered physically I still struggle daily with the 'voice' of anorexia believing that I am horribly overweight, I still have painfully low self esteem and bouts of depression.
I have never been 'pro-anorexic'. Anorexia is an extremely serious mental health problem that can often culminate in death or lasting physical health problems. Living with anorexia is pure hell and something I would not wish on my worst enemy. I can safely say that the years I battled with anorexia were the worst of my life and I would never want to return to them. Having an eating disorder is not a choice or an issue of vanity and it's about time people realised this.
Although I have more or less recovered, every day is a battle and I hope to one day be free of the mind set completely, I would love to never have to think about my weight again. I am currently at university studying psychology with an aim to helping other people suffering with eating disorders find a way out of the hell they are living. This is one of the reasons I am so angry about having false information posted on the 'faces of pro-ana' blog. Not only am I in recovery but am hoping to help other eating disordered individuals recover. Finding out my photo had been posted on the blog shocked and deeply upset me. I don't believe that anyone who made such a blog could have the best interests of people suffering with eating disorders at heart as something like this could lead to further alienation and depression.
From here I very slowly started to recover, although I didn't fully recover physically until I was 22, when my weight stabilised at 8 stone 7 pounds (120 pounds). I now have problems with my joints and low body temperature and may have done other lasting damage that I do not yet know about. Although I have recovered physically I still struggle daily with the 'voice' of anorexia believing that I am horribly overweight, I still have painfully low self esteem and bouts of depression.
I have never been 'pro-anorexic'. Anorexia is an extremely serious mental health problem that can often culminate in death or lasting physical health problems. Living with anorexia is pure hell and something I would not wish on my worst enemy. I can safely say that the years I battled with anorexia were the worst of my life and I would never want to return to them. Having an eating disorder is not a choice or an issue of vanity and it's about time people realised this.
Although I have more or less recovered, every day is a battle and I hope to one day be free of the mind set completely, I would love to never have to think about my weight again. I am currently at university studying psychology with an aim to helping other people suffering with eating disorders find a way out of the hell they are living. This is one of the reasons I am so angry about having false information posted on the 'faces of pro-ana' blog. Not only am I in recovery but am hoping to help other eating disordered individuals recover. Finding out my photo had been posted on the blog shocked and deeply upset me. I don't believe that anyone who made such a blog could have the best interests of people suffering with eating disorders at heart as something like this could lead to further alienation and depression.
3 comments:
It's fantastic to hear that you are on the road to recovery. You seem like a strong, intelligent woman and it is good to hear that you plan to use your painful experiences in order to help other people. I wish you all the best in your life and career and I hope that you don't let the ignorance of whoever made the faces of pro-ana' blog hurt you. I agree with you that whoever made that blog could not have wanted to help people with suffering with eating disorders, it seemed more as though they wanted to damage the reputation of young women who are already damaged enough. Good luck with your life and don't let ignorant bullies knock you down!
Well done for being so brave and telling your side of the story. I have suffered from bulimia for eight years and know how hard it can be to live with an eating disorder. I hope things continue to get better for you. The other site really upset me as I could see how damaging and distressing it would be to have your photo up there, whether the girls were pro-ana or not. I hope having told your story here can help you to get over the pain it may have caused and continue to succeed with your life.
You are a strong and beautiful woman, don't let enyone ever tell you any differently. You look fantastic in your picture and do not need to loose any weight. Don't let those cruel individuals from the other blog upset you, you are better than they are, remember that!
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